


Sometimes Things Change

by warblingaway (fallingthorns)



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Complete, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-17 09:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingthorns/pseuds/warblingaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt holds his tongue after Misery, not telling Blaine about his raging jealousy. He doesn't say what he's really thinking, which involves some clever line about Blaine and the Pips, not realizing how much this decision will change his life. A spin-off from canon from what could have happened in Original Songs, but didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count: ~20,000  
> Warnings: Swearing, talk of sexual activities, implied sex, etc. etc.  
> Spoilers: Um, Blaine exists. Original Songs happens, but the events are drastically changed so that this story could happen.

  
Kurt sighs as he listens to Blaine sing  _Misery,_ the only thought coursing through his head being  _Yeah, he can sing. Nothing new there._  


But honestly, he's sick of Blaine always getting all of the solos. He wants a solo too. He wants to have a chance to shine.

So when Blaine - adorable, dapper Blaine – comes up to him after the performance and asks him what he thinks, Kurt bites his tongue. He doesn't say what he wants to say – which would mainly consist of Kurt telling Blaine that he is indeed an attention whore.

No, Kurt holds it in and plasters a fake smile on his face – one that he realizes he's been using for a while now. He tells Blaine it was amazing, that it would definitely win them regionals.

But in the long run, Kurt probably should have called Blaine out right then and there. He knows, deep down, that if he would have said something about his raging jealousy, Blaine would have done something to make it better. Kurt may have even gotten a solo for Regionals.

But he held his tongue, and it's too late to change anything now. He goes back to his dorm and feeds Pavarotti, too tired to sing his daily song with the bird.

He now sits in the choir room, listening to the rest of the Warblers arguing about which version Blaine should sing, which song Blaine's vocals sound better with. Everything's just Blaine. It's always about Blaine.

Kurt wants to stand up. He wants to stand on the couch and announce that he's there too, that he too wants a chance to sing.

And he might have, had he had enough courage to.

But Kurt learned his lesson about speaking his mind within the group a long time ago.

Blaine stands up then. "Enough," he says, and Kurt gets a flash of hope that maybe, just maybe, Blaine knows what's going through his mind. "I'm tired of this."

And, yes, Kurt is definitely getting his hopes up. Which, he learned from past experience, is never a good thing.

"I agree," Thad responds. "I think we should just let you pick the song you want to sing."

And, okay, that wasn't quite what Kurt had in mind. But Blaine's opening his mouth again, meaning that there's still hope.

"I'm tired of the Warblers being all about me," Blaine adds.

Yes, this is what Kurt wanted. This is what Kurt had been hoping for. Maybe Blaine would suggest him to be the other soloist. Maybe he'd even bring up the idea of a  _duet._

However, all ideas of Kurt's are instantly crushed as Blaine continues on.

"I propose that he have auditions for a soloist for the eleven o'clock number."

Right. Auditions. Kurt should have known.

"All right," Wes says a moment later as he slams his gavel onto the desk. "A vote. All in favor of Warbler Blaine's proposal."

Every hand in the room goes up. Every hand except Kurt's.

"Decided," Wes announces with another slam of his gavel. "Auditions will be on Friday. We'll post sign up lists tomorrow."

Kurt sighs as he gathers up his things to walk out of the room. He feels Blaine looking at him quizzically, wondering why he didn't vote in favor of his proposal.

But Kurt doesn't turn around. He keeps walking even though he can feel Blaine's gaze boring into the back of his head.

The next day, he doesn't sign up for an audition. He doesn't even take a glance at the list of time slots. Every time he passes the Warbler's bulletin board, he just keeps walking, turning his head in the opposite direction so as not to tempt himself.

He remembers what happened last time he auditioned. He remembers how awful he felt.

But he only remembers because he  _still_ feels that way.

So the auditions come and go, Kurt only realizing it once the soloist is announced. It's Nick, and Kurt can't help but be proud of the boy. He deserves this as much as any of them do, if not more.

Kurt's actually surprised that Blaine didn't question him about not auditioning.

But now that he thinks about it, he hasn't talked to Blaine much since their conversation after  _Misery._

The Warblers are rehearsing constantly, trying to make do with their sudden change in plans. But Kurt feels that he's not really into it, that he's just sort of going through the motions.

The night before Regionals, all of the Warblers are, to put it frankly, freaking out. This is the first time they've made it to regionals in several years, and they can't help but be nervous about it.

Kurt's lounging in the common room, thinking about the next extravagant accessory that he can buy for Pavarotti. He just sits there and thinks, the main object of his thoughts being Blaine.

He honestly thought that Blaine would have realized his feelings for Kurt by now. He doesn't understand how Blaine is still skirting around the obvious, how he can still be so oblivious to Kurt's advances, which are getting blunter and blunter.

And, as Kurt continues to think, he realizes that he's slowly giving up. He's slowly coming to terms with the fact that Blaine may never see him the way he sees Blaine.

As this thought crosses Kurt's mind, Blaine himself walks into the common room with a look that Kurt can't place on his features.

He approaches Kurt slowly, stopping once he's a few feet away.

"Why didn't you audition for the solo?"

And there it is – the golden question. Kurt knows that this has been coming for a while, and yet he still doesn't have an answer.

So he just shakes his head, casting his eyes towards the ground so that they don't meet Blaine's.

"I set that up for you, you know," Blaine says quietly a moment later. "I basically had it all set up so that you would get the solo."

Kurt looks up at that, staring intently into Blaine's eyes.

"I had the council all ready to tell you that you got it the moment after your audition," Blaine goes on.

Kurt pauses for a moment, taking all of this new information in. He could have had a solo. He, Kurt Hummel, could have had a  _solo._ A solo leading the  _Warblers._

"Why?" Kurt whispers, mainly because that's the only thing he's capable of saying and doing right now.

"What do you mean?" Blaine responds, his triangular eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"Why did you do it?" And Kurt's hoping, hoping that Blaine has finally realized what he hasn't all this time.

"Well I know how much you wanted a solo," Blaine answers, and of  _course_ he's still just as oblivious. "And you have seemed kind of down lately. So I was just trying to help you."

Kurt withholds his scoff. Blaine just doesn't realize that  _he's_ the reason he's been feeling so down.

"Blaine," he says, and this time he does scoff out loud. "You're an idiot."

"I – what?"

Kurt takes a deep breath, pressing his hand to his temples and rubbing them for a brief moment. "It's not the lack of solos that's bugging me, Blaine. Not really."

"Then what is it?"

"It's you," Kurt whispers, and Kurt isn't even sure if Blaine can hear him. "It's the fact that you're  _still_ dancing around the obvious, that you're  _still_ dragging me along when it's obvious that I know what I want."

Blaine opens his mouth to speak, but Kurt shakes his head, signaling for Blaine to stop. But instead of talking himself, Kurt walks forward and closes the gap between them, softly pressing his lips to Blaine's.

And that's when Kurt realized what kissing someone was supposed to feel like.

But he also realized that he didn't get the full pleasure from it, since he knew for a fact that kisses were supposed to be reciprocated.

So he quickly pulls away, willing the tears to stay in his eyes for another few moments.

"I'm sorry," Blaine mutters as he backs away. "I – I can't."

And that's all Kurt needs. He gives Blaine a stiff nod before turning and walking out of the room.

Once the door behind him is shut, he runs. He runs down the corridor and into his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He doesn't even make it to his bed, allowing himself to just collapse right there on the floor.

He buries his face in his hands and lets out a sob. This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out. This wasn't what was supposed to happen.

Kurt's glad that his roommate went home for the weekend. He knows that he doesn't handle Kurt's crying very well.

Kurt reaches for his bed, glad that the end is so close to the door, and grabs a blanket, allowing himself to curl up in it and fall asleep.

.....  
  
He awakes the next morning to someone pounding on the door.

Which, since he's still curled up on the ground by the door, isn't a very pleasant sound.

"Kurt," someone calls, and Kurt doesn't have the willpower to figure out who it is. "Come on. We have to leave in an hour."

Kurt contemplates for a moment, deciding whether or not he wants to feign sick. He decides against it and slowly stands up, realizing that sleeping on the floor probably wasn't a good idea. He opens the door, revealing a concerned looking Wes.

"Kurt?" Wes questions, as if he doesn't really believe that it's Kurt standing in front of him. "What happened?"

Kurt just shakes his head and walks away from the door, leaving it open in case Wes wants to come in.

"Well," Wes clears his throat, "You should probably get ready."

Kurt nods and Wes exits the room, closing the door softly behind him.

He throws on his uniform and quickly combs his hair, not really caring about how he looks.

He gathers up his things, pockets his iPhone, and heads out of the room fifteen minutes later.

Most of the Warblers are already gathered in the entrance, chattering excitedly and laughing.

Kurt stands in the corner by himself. He doesn't even try to search Blaine out.

The bus ride there seems to last forever, but maybe that's only because Kurt's sitting in the front, alone. The other boys took one look at him and realized that he needed his space.

Kurt doesn't even know if Blaine's on the bus.

The competition wizzes by, and, to no one's surprise, the New Directions win.

But Kurt can't help but be happy for them. They are his family, after all.

May 2011

The weeks following Regionals are calmer. No one's panicking, no one's freaking out about set lists.

Everything is calm, peaceful.

Kurt hasn't talked to Blaine since the day he kissed him. He hasn't searched the boy out, hasn't tried to talk to him about it.

Blaine said he couldn't, and Kurt respected that. As much as it hurt, Kurt respected Blaine's decision.

Summer was coming, and Kurt feels the excitement radiating off of him. He gets to go back to Lima soon, gets to live with his family again, gets to see his friends on a regular basis. He can introduce Pavarotti to the hustle and bustle of Lima, buying him little personalized Lima accessories.

At least that was his plan.

But he didn't expect for them to get a new Warbler so late in the year.

His name is Kyle, and he's a sophomore. He apparently heard the Warblers sing at Regionals, and he decided he wanted to join. The council was apparently blown away by his voice, granting him entrance into the group almost immediately.

And, when Kurt had been informed that he had to give up Pavarotti to the new Warbler, as was tradition, he realized that everything was slowly slipping away from him.

He holds the cage out to the new boy, watching as his face lights up at the sight of the beautiful bird.

Kurt remembers having that same feeling when he'd first received the canary. He remembers it like it was yesterday.

"Take care of him," Kurt whispers. Kyle nods and takes hold of the cage, smiling at the bird inside.

Kurt feels the rest of the Warblers' eyes on him. He tries to smile, knowing that it isn't very convincing at all.

And, due to a lapse in judgment, he makes eye contact with Blaine.

Blaine's eyes are filled with so many emotions. Concern, remorse, worry.

But Kurt quickly looks away, saying some kind of excuse as to why he needs to leave and fleeing from the room.

He makes the call when he gets back to his dorm. The phone is answered on the second ring.

.....  
  
"I'm leaving," Kurt announces to the group a few days later.

"Leaving?" Wes asks, and Kurt can't help but feel like he's letting everyone down.

"I'm transferring back to McKinley next Monday."

The Warblers try and protest, asking him questions as to why he's leaving, what brought this on.

Kurt realizes that the only one who didn't question him was Blaine.

And he was the one person who Kurt  _wanted_ to be questioned by.

.....  
  
Sunday night, Kurt's in his room, packing up everything.

His roommate was sensible enough to leave him to it. Kurt needs to remember to thank him for being such a good roommate.

He is going to miss Dalton. He's going to miss pretty much everything about it.

But he knows that this is what he needs to do. He needs to start somewhere, and that would be leaving Dalton.

He knows that it's the first step to getting over Blaine.

Because he also knows that, as long as Blaine is always within proximity, he will never be able to fully get over him.

As Kurt puts the last of his clothes into a suit case, there is a small knock on his door. He doesn't turn to see who it is, knowing that whoever is there will just let themselves in.

He hears the door open and soft footsteps approaching.

"I'm going to miss you."

Kurt doesn't wiz around like he thought he would. He keeps his cool and zips up his bag, slowly turning to face Blaine.

"I need to go," Kurt responds.

Blaine nods his head. "I know you do," he says Kurt, his voice soft. "But I don't understand why."

Kurt lets out a breathy laugh. "I bet you do," he says softly, taking a step closer. "If you just let your gel-infected brain think for a moment, it'll come to you."

Blaine doesn't respond right away, so Kurt turns and gathers up his things. Finn would be hear shortly to help him with the heavier items.

"But," he says once everything is in his arms. "If it helps, I'll miss you too. But I guess missing is better than pointless longing."

"I – what?"

Kurt shakes his head and lets out that same laugh, the one he realizes he's used on Blaine for a majority of their past conversations. "Goodbye, Blaine," he whispers, before leaning in and pressing his lips gently to Blaine's.

And this time, Blaine responds ever so slightly, his lips moving softly against Kurt's own.

Kurt pulls away a few seconds later,before the kiss can get too heated, and exits the room, not giving Blaine another glance.

August 2011

Kurt stands in front of the mirror, inspecting his outfit.

It's his first day of senior year, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't excited.

He smiles and grabs his satchel, making his way down the stairs and towards the kitchen, where he can smell Carole in the kitchen making breakfast.

He's excited. This is going to be his year. This is going to be the year of Kurt. He can feel it.

And, surprisingly enough, Blaine hasn't crossed his mind once that morning.

And that is definitely improvement.

June 2012

Graduation day.

Kurt honestly doesn't know where the year went. It seems like it was only a few days ago he'd been packing up his things, leaving Dalton.

Dalton.

That was over a year ago now. He hasn't seen Blaine once since he left, the last memory he has of the boy being that soft, melancholy kiss the two of them shared before Kurt left the school for good.

The New Directions went to Nationals again, coming in second place this time.

Kurt hadn't gotten a solo, but he was used to that by now.

He straightens his cap, appraising himself in the mirror. In a few months, he'll be headed off to NYU, pursuing a career in dramatic arts. He's never wanted anything more than this. He's been waiting for this for years.

But now that it's so close he can taste it, he's terrified.

He's leaving all of his friends. Finn's staying in Ohio to take over Burt's shop. Rachel decided that, while Broadway was still a dream of hers, she was better suited for the big screen, meaning that she was headed to LA. The other New Directions were headed in various directions, not one of them going to New York.

As he looks at himself in the mirror, he realizes just how much he's matured in the past year. He even looks like an adult now –not like the teenager he looked like during his brief stint at Dalton.

As they announce that everyone needs to take their seats, Kurt takes one last look at his reflection and realizes that he shouldn't have wished for his time in high school to go by so quickly.

He's going to miss it. He's going to miss glee club, even Mr. Shue's badly coordinated vests. He's just going to miss everything.

Kurt sighs and turns away from the mirror, walking out into the auditorium.

This is it.

This is the beginning of the rest of his life.


	2. Part 2

September 2012   


Much like his senior year, Kurt doesn't know where his summer went either.

He spent a majority of it hanging out with all of the New Directions, and when he wasn't with them he was with his family, just lounging around and talking.

But now, Finn and Burt are loading Kurt's things into the back of the van.

He's off to NYU in a few short hours.

He got his welcoming package in the mail a few weeks ago. His roommate's name was Todd Jamer, and he was apparently majoring in fashion.

When Kurt had read that, he couldn't help but smile fondly. This boy was probably gay as well, but he knew that nothing would happen between them. He hadn't even talked to the boy, and he could tell they were going to have a beautiful friendship.

As Kurt loaded his last bag into the car, he took one last glance at the house. Yeah, he'd be coming back, but he didn't know when. He wasn't going to live there anymore.

But he'd already been through this once when he transferred to Dalton, so it wasn't nearly as heart wrenching as it was the first time.

Finn approaches Kurt and hugs him, Kurt promising to call every night and informing the lanky boy that he really is the best brother anyone could ask for. Carole has tears in her eyes, and she embraces Kurt in a tight hug, Kurt feeling the tears running out onto his shoulder. He presses a small kiss to her forehead before backing away and hopping in the car, waving as his dad pulls out of the driveway.

When they reach the airport, Kurt realizes that this is it. There really is no turning back now.

He takes a deep breath and boards the plane, feeling like this is the walk to his future.

November 2012

Kurt's sitting on his bed, trying to focus on his business management homework. He doesn't know why he even has to take this class since his intended major is in dramatic arts, but he does.

He sometimes enjoys it though. He finds Professor Kiram to be a really insightful man, one who knows exactly what he's talking about.

Todd bursts through the door a moment later, a paper grocery bag in his hands.

"Yo," he greets Kurt. Kurt's assumption about Todd being gay had been right, and his fashion sense was impeccable. The two had immediately hit it off, and now, two months later, they definitely qualified as best friends.

"You're back early," Kurt mutters, not looking up from his textbook.

"You," Todd says as he strides over to Kurt and takes the book from his lap, "Need to loosen up a little. You've been too stressed the past few weeks."

Kurt sighs, knowing that his roommate speaks the truth.

However, he can't shake the feeling that Blaine had done this to him many times when he had been at Dalton.

Kurt shakes those thoughts away, focusing more on the here and the now.

"So," Todd starts as he produces a bottle from the paper bag, "I got us some joy in a bottle."

Kurt cracks a grin at Todd, wondering how he managed to buy alcohol, but then having enough sense not to ask and to just go with it.

"Hit me up," Kurt grins, knowing that this is exactly what he needs.

The two lounge on the floor for the rest of the night, finishing off the bottle of whatever it was Todd bought. They talk school, boys, fashion, only stopping when they doze off in an alcohol induced haze.

Kurt never thought he'd be so desperate as to use alcohol as a remedy for stress, but he also thought his life would be different than it is now.

February 2013

Kurt slams his door behind him, not wanting Todd to barge in. He just needs to be alone right now.

This was Kurt's fifth musical that he'd auditioned for. Fifth.

And he hadn't been casted.

Again.

He doesn't understand it. He has an amazing voice, he can act, he's charming.

But he knows that he doesn't fit into the typical stereotype of a male lead. He's always known that. But he had hoped that there would at least be some hope for him in New York.

And for a while, there had been hope. He had seen glimpses of what he could become.

But he feels like that's all over now. He feels like his dreams have been crushed.

Kurt sighs, willing the tears to stay in his eyes. He pulls out his business management book and sets out to read about the music industry.

Great. This is just what he wants to read about after everything that's happened.

_The music industry is known as the career for people who love music but do not excel in it themselves. They still get to have it as an everyday part of their lives, just they are not the sole focus of the production. However, this is often a misconception . . ._

Kurt lifts his head up from the page, feeling as if a light bulb has been lit on the top of his head.

May 2013

Kurt switches all of his classes, and now a majority of them involved business management.

Kurt is now taking three management classes and two musical production ones.

And he is enjoying himself. He finds himself actually being enticed by the lessons.

He never thought that he would be one for managing something, but now that he thinks about it, he realizes that it's  _exactly_ what he would be good at. He's Kurt Hummel. He loves getting his way and bossing people around.

Of course he would enjoy managing.

He isn't quite sure what he wants to do with it yet, but he knows that it will somehow involve recording or music.

He's going to stay with music. He isn't letting that dream slip away.

.....  
  
Kurt isn't sure how he didn't notice him before. He sits by Kurt in his one non career related class, American Literature.

He doesn't know how he missed those gorgeous, bright green eyes. Or his dirty blonde hair that fell into his eyes.

Kurt doesn't know how he didn't notice the way he flicked his bangs out of his eyes with one smooth movement of his head. Or how he drew in the margins of his paper – flawless drawings of nonsensical nothings.

But, once Kurt notices, he  _notices._

He's also aware that the boy notices him too.

"Hi," the boy says one day after class, and  _wow, his voice is lyrical._ "I'm Declan Rogner."

Kurt grins and feels his heart flutter a little. He didn't think he would ever feel like this again. Not after –

No. Kurt scolds himself and pushes all thoughts of the boy he hasn't seen in years away.

"I'm Kurt," Kurt breathes, because yeah, this attractive boy was talking to him.

And Declan just smiles at him. "I know," he tells Kurt. "And, this is going to sound blunt, but I've liked you for a while."

.....  
  
Kurt walks into his dorm that night, a wide smile spread on his face. Declan had asked him out about thirty minutes after class had ended, and Kurt believes that it was the best time of his life.

Not that he has anything to compare it to.

And, once again, Kurt pushes all thoughts of the hazel eyed, curly haired boy out of his mind.

"Woah," Todd comes to a halt as he walks out of the bathroom. "You look…happy."

Kurt just smiles at him, watching with amusement as Todd's eyes widen even further.

"Seriously," Todd goes on. "I don't think I've ever seen you this happy. And I've known you for, like, a year now."

Kurt still doesn't respond. He allows himself to just flop down onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Okay," Todd's getting restless now, and Kurt knows that he's practically dying to know what's going on. "Is this about a boy? Did you meet someone?"

Kurt finally turns to face his roommate, letting him take in his shining eyes. "Yes," Kurt whispers, because that's about all he's able to do. "Declan Rogner."

Todd grins knowingly, because Kurt may or may not have been fantasizing about him for the past few weeks.

"He's a keeper," Todd responds with a wink, walking off to sit on his own bed.

"I hope so," Kurt replies softly, and he's surprised to find that he actually hopes Todd's words are true.

June 2013

"I'm going to miss you," Declan murmurs into Kurt's neck, his arms wrapped around Kurt's waist. "I can't believe you're going home for the whole summer."

Kurt turns so that he's facing his boyfriend of one month – and, honestly, it feels like it's been longer than that.

"Well you're coming over for like the last month," Kurt says with a chuckle, "So it won't be as bad."

Declan joins in laughing before stopping and pressing his lips to Kurt's neck.

"Mmm," Kurt moans, and he still isn't sure how something like this could feel  _so good._

"You like that?" Declan murmurs as he trails his lips up his jaw.

"Y-yeah," Kurt splutters. He can't quite focus when Declan is doing things like that to him.

Somehow the pair ends up on the couch, kissing feverishly and gripping onto any part of the other that they can find.

"Is it too early to tell you that I love you?" Declan mutters, and Kurt's sure that he's just caught up in the heat of the moment.

After all, no one could love him. At least, not someone that he actually liked back.

And,  _no Kurt, why do you keep bringing those thoughts back? That was years ago now. Just let it go._

When Kurt doesn't respond, Declan presses more kisses to Kurt's lips, slipping his hand under the back of Kurt's shirt.

"Well, I'll say it anyway," he breathes into Kurt's mouth. "I love you, Kurt Hummel."

Kurt doesn't respond. Instead he presses his lips back to Declan's hoping that will suffice.

But he knows that he doesn't respond because he's not sure if he can say it and mean it.

Kurt sighs contentedly as he walks through the door of his house. It feels as if he hasn't been here in  _ages,_ and he finds it hard to believe that he's going to be living here again for the next few months.

It's a great feeling.

Kurt hears his phone ring in his pocket. He pulls it out and smiles, just staring at the text from Declan.

He's about to respond when his dad chooses that exact moment to walk into the room.

"Kurt!" He cries, and Kurt feels his cheeks tinting at his dad's excitement. "You're home."

"Yeah," Kurt says with a shrug, even though all he really wants to do is rush over to his dad and embrace him in a hug. "I am."

He gets an amused look on his face for a moment before leaning against the door frame. "Who was that text from?"

Kurt's eyebrows scrunch in confusion. "What?"

"You were grinning like mad at your phone," Burt explains. "Is it from someone special?"

And then Kurt remembers who the text was from. And he also remembers the fact that he only told Carole about Declan, begging her to keep it from Burt until he could tell his father himself.

"Oh, uh…" He pauses, looking down at the hard-wood floor and pleading with his cheeks not to blush.

"What's his name?" Burt asks. Kurt looks back up at him, seeing that the man has an amused expression on his face.

"Umm…Declan," Kurt mutters. "We – uhh – We've been dating for a few months now."

Burt nods, his expression unchanging. "Does he treat you right?"

"Yes," Kurt says quietly. "He's wonderful."

Burt nods again, this time out of approval. "Well I expect to meet him sometime," he says a moment later. "Anyone that makes my son smile like that is someone worth meeting."

Kurt feels his blush forming again.

August 2013

"Kurt, I can't freaking find your house," Kurt hears Declan groaning through the phone.

"It's the white one with the long pathway," Kurt explains, sitting in the living room and waiting for his boyfriend's car to come into view.

"They're  _all_ white, Kurt," Declan responds, causing Kurt to let out a snort.

"I'll go stand outside. Just look for me, alright?"

Declan agrees and Kurt hangs up his phone. He slips on a pair of sandals and heads out the door, perching himself on the grass in his front yard.

A few moments later, a blue Sedan comes to the curb and parks. Kurt abruptly stands up, quickly fixing his hair. Declan comes out of the car not a second later, catching Kurt's eye and grinning.

"Hi," he says as he walks towards Kurt.

"Hi," Kurt replies, and  _man, he really is attractive, isn't he?_

Declan grins, seeming to read Kurt's mind. Once he's close enough, he wraps his arms around Kurt's waist and pulls the boy closer to him. "I missed you," he whispers into Kurt's ear.

"I missed you too," Kurt murmurs back. "A lot. I didn't realize not seeing you for so long would be this torturous."

Declan doesn't respond, instead leaning in and pressing his lips to Kurt's.

Kurt sighs contentedly as he wraps his arms around his boyfriend's neck, letting himself get lost in the sensation of kissing his soft lips.

"Ahem."

Kurt pulls away, feeling his cheeks blush deep red. He turns and sees his father leaning against the side of the house, giving the two an amused look.

"Sorry to interrupt you're little reunion," he says, not looking sorry at all. "But Carole said for me to come tell you that dinner's ready."

Declan shoots Kurt a panicky look.

Kurt takes a deep breath and grabs the boy's hand, dragging him up towards the house. "Dad," he says, "This is Declan. My boyfriend."

December 2013

Kurt looks at the scene in front of him with admiration. All of the New Directions are presently at Rachel's, having their annual Christmas party that they've had since before they even graduated.

Except this year, the second one since graduation, is extremely different than the others.

That is mostly because not everyone could come. Mike and Tina stayed at school over the break, Mercedes was visiting relatives in Virginia, and Artie was shooting some big movie in L.A.

It's different, but still nice.

Kurt laughs at his friends, who are bouncing around and just having a good time, acting like they're still teenagers. That's kind of a given for when they're all together like this, though.

"My man!" Puck calls to Kurt, plopping down on the couch next to him a few moments later. "My boy. My main squeeze. My –"

Kurt laughs, because, yeah, Puck's already had a few too many drinks. "Hi, Puck."

Puck grins at him and holds out his fist, signaling with his head for Kurt to pound it. Kurt grins and does so.

"So," Puck starts once he draws his hand away. "I hear from Finn that you've got yourself a nice little boy toy."

Kurt sighs. He probably should have assumed that Finn would tell everyone about Declan. "He's not a boy toy," Kurt responds. "But essentially, you are correct."

Puck grins at him, nudging him with his elbow and giving him a knowing look. "Is he good in bed?" He asks, as if it's the most natural question in the world. Which for Puck it probably is.

"Err –" Kurt lets his eyes drop to the floor. "We – uhh – we haven't gotten that far yet."

"Seriously?" Puck raises an eyebrow. "Because, not to sound weird or anything, but you are one  _fine_ piece of man. If he doesn't want to bang that, then –"

"No, no," Kurt shakes his head, wanting nothing more than for this conversation to be over. "It's not him. It's – I'm just not ready for that yet."

Kurt only half focuses on what Puck is saying now, thinking about what he just said.

He doesn't know if it's the fact that he's not ready, or if he's not sure about Declan.

.....  
  
"Hey, baby," Declan greets him once Kurt comes through the door.

Burt agreed to let Kurt visit Declan after Christmas, as long as he came home a few days before he had to go back to New York.

Declan lives in North Carolina. And from the moment he arrived, he knew that this was  _exactly_ the kind of place his boyfriend would come from.

"Hi," Kurt replies, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. "How are you?"

"Good, now that you're here."

Kurt feels himself blushing. He never thought that anyone would ever say anything like that to him, and yet here he is, being adored by his boyfriend.

"When am I going to meet your parents?" That fact has been nagging Kurt all day. He hasn't met Declan's parents yet, but from what he's heard their wonderful.

But he's also been told that they scared Declan's last boyfriend away.

"They're coming over for dinner tomorrow," Declan explains. "You'll be fine."

And fine Kurt was.

In fact, it had gone so well that, since Declan's parents had left no less than ten minutes ago, Kurt now finds himself pressed against the wall, Declan pressing soft, tender kisses to Kurt's neck.

"Kurt,  _god,"_ Declan moans as he reattaches his lips to Kurt's. "I missed you  _so much."_

"Nngg," Kurt replies, because that is about the best he can do right now.

And that noise seems to do something to Declan, who abruptly grabs Kurt's hand and starts to drag Kurt towards his room.

And Kurt's too caught up in the moment to care about what Declan's thinking, about what Declan thinks Kurt wants too.

Declan pushes him gently into the bed, following his body down before resuming his kissing of Kurt thoroughly.

Kurt responds, because  _god does this feel good._ He could probably spend all day just kissing. Hell, he could probably spend the rest of his  _life_ kissing.

He doesn't think twice as he feels Declan's hands roam up his shirt, and maybe he even leant into the touch a little bit.

And then he feels Declan roll his hips a little with a moan, and Kurt sees a flash of something.

A flash of something bright and lively and pure hazel.

Kurt pulls away, shaking his head. "I'm sorry," he whispers, whether for Declan or himself, he isn't sure. "I – I can't. I'm not ready."

Declan nods in understanding. "It's okay," he says, still breathing deeply and wrapping his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "I can wait. It's you that matters."

Kurt nods and offers his boyfriend a soft smile before turning his head in the opposite direction, so Declan can't see his face.

He doesn't know why he stopped. He could practically  _feel_ his body begging him to just let loose and do it.

But the hazel –

Kurt shakes his head. Those thoughts haven't invaded his mind in months.

So why were they now?


	3. Part 3

January 2014

Kurt arrives back home the third day of January.

"Hey bud," his father welcomes him. Kurt grins and envelopes him in a hug. "Did you have a good time?"

Kurt nods, almost knowing exactly what he'll say next.

"Did you two – uhh…" His father trails off.

"No, Dad," Kurt huffs, dropping his bag onto the couch. "We didn't. And I'm not just lying to help your conscious."

Burt nods and coughs awkwardly, letting the suddenly awkward silence fill the room for a moment.

"Oh," he says a few seconds later, "One of your old friends stopped by a few days ago. He was looking for you."

Kurt feels his eyebrows perk up in interest. "Who?"

"I don't remember his name," Burt mumbles, looking embarrassed. "But he had black hair and was kind of on the short side."

For a moment, Kurt thinks that it was –

No. It couldn't have been. It must have been someone else.

It must have been anyone else.

.....  
  
Kurt arrives back at NYU from a relaxing Christmas break with his family, opening the door to the dorm that he still shares with Todd.

His sophomore year of college has so far been much better than the first. He loves all of his classes, and he just knows that the career path he's chosen is perfect for him.

He and Declan are still going strong despite what happened over the break, but Kurt knows that there's still an unresolved problem between them.

Kurt still won't say that he loves him. Declan says it all the time, and Kurt still has yet to say it back.

As Declan creeps into Kurt's thoughts, he realizes that he barely talked to his boyfriend since he left his house. Before he opens the door all the way, he fishes his phone out of his pocket and shoots a quick text to Declan, telling him that he's back and would love to meet up for breakfast in the morning.

Kurt sighs contentedly as he pockets his phone, grabbing his bags and pushing the door open all the way.

The first thing he notices is that Todd is already back, his bags scattered haphazardly around the door. Kurt chuckles and kicks a bag to the side.

The next thing he notices is that Todd is asleep already, curled up in his bed.

As Kurt passes the bathroom, he sees that Todd left the light on. But Kurt, being tired from traveling and just wanting to go to sleep, ignores it and trudges towards his bed.

"Mmmahhhnnn," Todd says from his bed, his voice sounding deeper than usual.

Kurt glances over at the other boy's bed, shaking his head fondly.

Once Kurt is changed into his pajamas, he sits down on his bed with his iPod, shuffling through songs that he hasn't listened to in ages.

So, he only briefly glances up when the bathroom door opens.

"Oh," Todd says, coming to an abrupt halt, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. "I didn't know you'd be back already."

It takes Kurt a moment to make sense of everything. He's pretty sure he just saw Todd asleep in his bed, but –

Kurt turns to look towards the bed again, before turning back to Todd with wide eyes.

"You got a  _boyfriend?"_ Kurt squeals, trying not to wake the sleeping mystery boy.

"Uhh, sort of," Todd blushes, and Kurt's never seen him blush before.

But before Kurt opens his mouth to interrogate Todd some more, the boy in the bed stirs and sits up.

Kurt has to do a double take.

The boy has curly hair.

And hazel eyes. Those same hazel eyes that flashed into his mind a few days ago.

"Todd?" He mumbles. "Where am I?"

Kurt would have, in any other situation, made some kind of crack at Todd about getting his maybe boyfriend so drunk that he didn't know where he was.

But Kurt's heard that phrase come out of those lips before.

Right after a certain party of Rachel Berry's.

The boy on the bed turns his head slightly and seems to focus on Kurt.

"…Kurt?"

Kurt breaths, because Blaine must not be that drunk if he can recognize Kurt in the dark.

"Wait," Todd interrupts whatever kind of moment the two were having. "You know each other?"

"Yeah," Blaine mutters before flopping back onto the bed.

"Hold on," Todd turns to Kurt, his eyes filled with remorse. "This is  _the_ Blaine?"

"Yes," Kurt whispers, trying not to cry. He feels so stupid wanting to cry about something that happened years ago. "This is him."

"Oh my god."

.....  
  
Kurt eventually asks Todd to step out in the hallway with him. Todd does so without an argument, remorse written all over his features.

Once the door is shut behind them, Todd abruptly turns to Kurt. "Oh, god Kurt, I had no idea, and –"

"Todd," Kurt stops him, his voice strained. "Can you just –" Kurt pauses and lets out a huff. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to  _ever_ happen,  _especially_ not like this.

"Kurt, I honestly didn't know," Todd pleaded. "I swear, if I had made the connection I never would have –"

"Todd," Kurt whispers this time. "You never would have what?" And,  _god,_ Kurt doesn't even want to  _think_ about what his roommate might have done with Blaine.

Kurt watches as Todd's Adam's apple bobbles. "Kurt," he says softly this time, his voice cracking. "I'm so sorry."

Kurt can feel the tears welling in his eyes, and he doesn't understand  _why._ He and Blaine aren't together, actually, they were  _never_ together. And he has Declan.

So why does he feel so…betrayed?

"We were drunk, Kurt," Todd pleads again, trying to make amends with his roommate. "And you know I get a little horny when I'm drunk, and he just seemed  _desperate,_ and –"

"Please," Kurt says, so softly he barely hears himself. "Please spare me the details, Todd. I really don't want to know what went down between you and the boy I crushed on for a year of my life, the boy I shared my first kiss with. The same one who then rejected me."

Todd lowers his head. "If it helps, we didn't have, you know,  _real_ sex."

"I don't care what you did or didn't," Kurt snips, not proving his point at all. And, yeah, he does feel a little relieved about that whole thing.

"Kurt," Todd says again, placing his hands on his roommates shoulders. "No feelings were felt, I promise."

Kurt nods and wipes a tear from his eye.

"But can I pry for a moment?"

Kurt nods again, even though he realizes that it probably wasn't the best idea.

"Why do you care so much?" Todd asks. "I mean, you've got Declan, and you two seem pretty happy."

"I don't know," Kurt whispers, because it pains him to admit that he actually doesn't know the answer to something. "I wish I did. But with Blaine, I've never really known anything when it came to my feelings."

Todd nods. He may have said something else, but Kurt wouldn't know.

The conversation ends shortly after, Kurt telling Todd that he's going to spend the night at Declan's. Todd agrees and apologizes yet again.

He knocks on his boyfriend's door, waiting for him to answer.

"Coming," he hears him grumble from inside. The door swings open to reveal Kurt's drowsy boyfriend.

"…Kurt?"

"Hi," Kurt whispers, and he feels the tears welling up in his eyes again.

"What's wrong?" Declan seems to instantly perk up at the sight of Kurt in front of him.

"I'll explain in a minute, but can I stay the night here?" Kurt whispers.

"Of course."

Declan offers Kurt his hand, who gladly accepts it. He leads Kurt over to the couch in the corner of his room, sitting them down and wrapping his arm firmly around the weeping boy.

"Now tell me what's wrong," Declan soothes, rubbing small circles on Kurt's arm.

"Well," Kurt starts, taking a deep breath, "Remember when I told you about Blaine?"

.....  
  
Kurt awakes to find himself still on Declan's couch, but his boyfriend is nowhere in sight.

Kurt sighs and takes out his phone, noticing that he has two missed texts.

The first is from Declan, informing him that he had some early class that day and would be back later, and that Kurt can stay as long as he wants.

The second, however, causes Kurt's heart to stop.

**Umm, I realize you probably don't have my number, but I still have yours. But I think that…we need to talk. And I'd really like to see you again – Blaine**

Kurt laughs at the first part, because  _of course_ he still has Blaine's number.

But the second part he has mixed feelings about. He doesn't want to talk to Blaine. He doesn't want to see him again.

At least that's what he thought a few days ago.

But now, after seeing him last night, Kurt isn't sure what he wants. All he can think of is Blaine's eyes that seemed even brighter than they were a few years ago; his hair that's no longer gelled into a brick. The muscles on his arms, on his  _chest._

Kurt groans and flops back onto the couch, subconsciously sending a reply.

**I think that's probably a good idea – Kurt**

He doesn't add any feelings, any emotion.

Because he knows that's exactly the way Blaine likes it.

.....  
  
Kurt arrives back at his own room an hour later, after showering and primping himself in Declan's bathroom.

Todd opens the door when he knocks – why he knocked at his own room, he doesn't know – and gives him another apology before rushing out.

Kurt goes to sit on his bed, noticing that Blaine is most likely in the bathroom. He briefly wonders how awkward this morning was for Todd and Blaine, hoping that it was awkward as hell.

The bathroom door opens a moment later, and Kurt takes a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever's about to come.

And out of the bathroom walks Blaine, dressed in a pair of dark wash jeans and a green sweater – which, if Kurt would have been paying attention to that sort of thing, he would have pointed out that it brings out his eyes perfectly.

Blaine doesn't notice Kurt right away. He fumbles with his sweater for a moment, smoothing out the wrinkles in the font of it.

Kurt takes the moment to appraise the boy. His hair is curly, no longer held down by its gel-helmet like it used to be when they were seventeen. That feels like it was so long ago to Kurt. He isn't sure how the time has passed so quickly, but it has.

Blaine looks older too. His smile lines have become sharper, and, if possible, his eyes are even brighter than before.

Kurt tries not to think that he looks even more attractive than he did all those years ago, but he fails. He knows he shouldn't be thinking that, since he has a boyfriend and all, but he honestly can't help himself.

Kurt hears Blaine sigh before lifting his head up, his body freezing almost immediately. "Oh," he says.

Kurt gulps and tries to respond, but he can't.

Because of Blaine's voice. He hasn't heard that voice in over two years, and yet it still somehow makes his heart flutter like crazy.

"Umm," Blaine says awkwardly once he realizes that Kurt isn't going to respond. "I'm, uh, not sure what to say," he admits, looking down at his feet sheepishly.

And Kurt doesn't know what to say either. He doesn't know what he's  _supposed_ to say.

They stand there and just look at each other for minutes.

"Blaine," Kurt finally says, and then he feels the emotions sweep over him. There he is, talking to the boy who he kissed his junior year of high school, the boy who had rejected him, the boy who he had loved.

And, looking back on it now, Kurt knows that what he had felt for Blaine was love.

He realizes that Blaine's waiting for him to continue talking, but he just shakes his head, knowing that if he tries to talk he'll end up crying.

So Blaine takes the initiative. "You – you look great," he says, using what Kurt knows is his sincere voice. Meaning that he honestly and truly thinks that Kurt looks great. "Different," he goes on. "But great."

Kurt feels himself blushing, and he knows that he should say something.

"Thank you," he finally whispers out. "So do you."

Blaine offers him a weak smile, which Kurt returns only halfheartedly.

Blaine is standing in front of him. He's  _talking_ to  _Blaine._ The Blaine. The Blaine that had practically saved him his junior year of high school.

But it was also the same one that had rejected him.

And Kurt feels the tears welling in his eyes again, but he's aware that he won't be able to stop them this time.

He watches as Blaine's eyes widen at the sight of the first tear. "Oh,  _Kurt,"_ he says, using that same tone that Kurt is so familiar with, the one he had used with Kurt whenever he would break down crying. He takes a few steps forward and reaches out hesitantly before dropping his hands. "I'm not sure what you want me to do."

Kurt knows what he wants Blaine to do. He wants Blaine to wrap him in his arms and tell him that everything will be okay, that they'll work it out.

"I'm not sure what I want you to do either," Kurt admits, letting out a loud sniffle. "But I was never sure about anything with you."

Kurt sees the hurt flash in Blaine's eyes, but in vanishes quickly. "I'm sorry," Blaine murmurs, taking a few steps closer to Kurt. "I'm sorry that I hurt you like that so many years ago. I didn't know that I was. I was just being my oblivious self," Blaine lets out a humorless chuckle. "I was just scared, I think."

Kurt nods in understanding, because he  _can_ understand Blaine being scared about being in a relationship.

"I realized a few months after you left Dalton," Blaine continues, "It just kind of hit me how much I'd unintentionally hurt you. Wes and David had to give me an extreme wake up call, but I came around eventually."

Kurt nods again, not meeting Blaine's eyes.

"I was going to call you," Blaine says softly, ducking his head, forcing Kurt to look at him. "But you'd already cut me off by then. And, since I understood why, I let you be."

That is new to Kurt. He wonders what would have happened if Blaine would have contacted him. Would he have taken Blaine back? Would they have still been friends? Would they have eventually gotten –

Kurt doesn't allow his mind to go there.

"But," Blaine perks up a little, "I did come by your house to see if you were home over the break."

It had been him.

Blaine had come to his house in Lima.

Blaine had come all that way to see  _him._ To apologize to  _him._

"My dad told me someone stopped by," Kurt responds quietly, "He couldn't remember your name though."

"He told me you were out of town for the week," Blaine says.

"I was at my – my friend's house." Kurt doesn't know why he referred to Declan as just his friend, when he was so much more to him. He knows that he should tell Blaine that he has a boyfriend, but he can't bring himself to.

Blaine nods in understanding. The two fall silent for a moment, both seemingly staring past the other.

"I should probably apologize about this, too," Blaine says a moment later, gesturing to the room their standing in.

"Why should you apologize?" Kurt snaps, realizing that he  _shouldn't_ be getting irritated about it. He wasn't his boyfriend or anything. He didn't even know if they were  _friends._

"Because our first meeting in almost three years shouldn't have come across because I slept with your roommate," Blaine replies stiffly.

Kurt feels his heart clench at Blaine's statement. "But Todd said that you guys didn't. . ." He trails off, knowing that Blaine understood what he was trying to say.

Blaine lets out a small chuckle. "Still afraid to talk about it, I see," he laughs softly. "But . . . he didn't lie to you. We didn't . . .go all the way."

Kurt nods again, looking at his shoes. "It's not my business anyway," Kurt replies.

"You still deserve to know the truth though," Blaine says with such intensity that it Kurt looks up to meet his blazing hazel eyes. "I mean, from what I understand, Todd's your best friend. And I'm – well, we kind of had something back in high school."

Kind of had something. Blaine just said they kind of had something.

But if they 'kind of had something,' then why didn't Blaine do anything about it? If he obviously sensed the attraction between them, why did he deny Kurt like he blatantly did?

"And if it helps," Blaine goes on, "I wasn't planning on seeing him again. I was just drunk. And you know that I get kind of flirty when I'm drunk."

Kurt thinks back to Rachel's party, making that twice within twelve hours. "I remember," Kurt says softly.

Blaine nods and Kurt hears him sigh, watching as he runs a hand through his hair. "I didn't want this to happen this way," Blaine says quietly. "I wanted our first meeting to be different."

"So did I," Kurt whispers back. He feels the tears welling in his eyes again, and he  _still_ doesn't understand why this whole thing is making him so emotional.

"Kurt," Blaine coos again in that same tone. Except this time he steps forward and wraps the boy in his arms, rubbing his arms soothingly. "I know, I know. You just need to let it out."

Kurt sobs harder into Blaine's shoulder, trying not to think about how Blaine smells exactly how he did before, trying to stop his heart from beating out of his chest at the scent.

And he also tries not to think about how Declan's hand had run the same soothing course the night before.

Kurt's sobs eventually stop, and Blaine pulls away. "There," he says with a grin, and Kurt can't help but smile back. He thought that he would  _never_ see that smile again. "Now, how about we go get some coffee and catch up?"

Kurt nods and grabs his coat off of the chair. "Okay," he says, turning back to Blaine with a smile and adding, "Medium Drip still?"

Blaine grins again as he gets the door and holds it open for Kurt. "You remember my coffee order?"

Kurt smiles, thinking back to the time they'd had a very similar conversation. "Of course I do."

.....  
  
Blaine walks Kurt back up to his room. It's late. They'd stayed in the coffee shop for hours, just talking and catching up. Blaine was surprised when Kurt told him about his failed dramatic arts major and how he had switched to business management. He said that he couldn't believe Kurt failed to get a part in a play with a voice as fabulous as his, which in turned caused Kurt to blush.

Once they reach the door to his room, Kurt turns back around and smiles at Blaine. "It was really nice to catch up with you," he says, relishing at how sincere his words are.

Blaine nods and looks down, and Kurt swears that he looks nervous. "Why, Professor Anderson," Kurt jokes. Ever since Blaine had told him he was studying to become an English professor, Kurt has refused to let him live it down. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you look nervous about something."

Blaine lets out a small laugh before turning back and meeting Kurt's eyes. "What – what would you say if I told you that I had another reason for wanting to see you again?"

Kurt feels his heart stop. No. No, this couldn't be happening. This  _couldn't_ happen. Blaine seriously  _couldn't_ be doing this to him.

"It would depend what those reasons were," Kurt replies, hoping that his voice doesn't give away the fact that he's internally panicking.

"What if," Blaine whispers, taking a step closer. "What if it was because I regretted rejecting you all those years ago? And that I wanted to rekindle whatever it was we could have had."

_No._ Kurt wants to cry out that Blaine can't do this to him. He wants to tell Blaine that he can't do this, that Blaine's too late and that he needs to stop now before he ruins whatever friendship they had gotten back.

But Blaine's leaning in closer, and he can't. He can't open his mouth to tell Blaine to stop, he can't force his arms to push him back. He tries, and they just end up resting on Blaine's chest.

And then Blaine's face is  _right there._ Blaine pauses a few centimeters away, and Kurt thinks for a moment that maybe Blaine can tell that Kurt is uncomfortable with this.

But that's the thing – Kurt doesn't feel uncomfortable about this. It's more of the fact that he knows he should feel uncomfortable.

"I'm going to kiss you now," Blaine whispers. He waits for a reaction from Kurt, and Kurt knows that he should have said something. He should have told Blaine that he has a boyfriend. He should have told Blaine that he  _couldn't do this._

But he doesn't. And, after a moment of waiting, Blaine leans in and presses his lips to Kurt's.

Kurt's first reaction is to freeze. But then, as Blaine winds his arm around Kurt's waist and pulls him closer, Kurt finds himself kissing Blaine back. Blaine's lips are so soft, and he's so gentle with Kurt, stroking his face. Kurt, against his own judgment, wraps his arms around Blaine's neck, pulling the shorter boy's face closer. He needs Blaine closer. He hadn't realized that he's been  _waiting_ for this to happen since the day he left Dalton, the last time he'd kissed Blaine. He'd been waiting for Blaine to kiss him, and now here he was with Blaine kissing him.

Except Kurt didn't want it. He knew somewhere in his head that he didn't want it – that he  _couldn't_ want it.

But with every movement of Blaine's lips came a shock through Kurt's body. This never happened when he was kissing Declan.  _Never._ He never felt this kind of heat, this  _electricity,_ with Declan.

Declan.

Kurt tries to pull away – at least he thinks he does. But he must not have made that clear enough, because moments later, Kurt finds himself pushed up against the wall, with Blaine's lips still moving against his.

"I'm sorry," Blaine murmurs. "I was just scared, Kurt."

Kurt tries to respond, but Blaine reattaches his mouth, his thumb lightly tracing patterns on his cheek.

Kurt's brain is practically yelling at him. It's yelling for Kurt to stop, for Kurt to pull away, for Kurt to do  _anything_ except keep kissing Blaine.

But Kurt does none of those things. In fact, he wonders how far he'll actually let this go on.

"I missed you," Blaine whispers against Kurt's lips, "I missed you so much."

Kurt has a response this time. "I missed you too."

And that seems to trigger something in him. It somehow brings his body up to speed with his brain, finally allowing him to listen to what it's been telling him for the last twenty minutes.

"Blaine," he mumbles as he pulls away. "Blaine. I can't do this."

Blaine instantly recoils, Kurt seeing the hurt in his eyes. "Why not?" Blaine says quietly. "I'm sorry for what I did at Dalton. How many times do I have to say that?"

Kurt opens his mouth to speak, but Blaine keeps on going.

"Please Kurt," Blaine pleads before letting out a small chuckle. "I probably shouldn't say this," he goes on, "But I think I've been in love with you since the day I sang  _Teenage Dream_ to you. But I just didn't know it."

"No Blaine," Kurt whispers, hearing his voice crack. "Please, please don't say that."

"Why not?" He asks, and Kurt can tell that he's becoming irritated. "I'm sorry for what I did Kurt.  _I'm sorry._ I understand now, though. Please, Kurt. Please."

"It's not you, Blaine," Kurt says, so quietly he isn't even sure Blaine can hear him. "I would take you back, but . . ."

He can't bring himself to say it. He feels ashamed of himself for having let it go on for that long. He feels absolutely terrible, and he knows that once Blaine finds out about Declan, he probably will never see his friend again.

"But what?" Blaine prompts, and Kurt can see the worry in his eyes.

He knows that he needs to tell Blaine know, before he jumps to his own conclusions. "Blaine, I'm sorry," he starts, "I should have told you before any of this happened. It should have been the first thing I told you."

"What is it?" Blaine whispers, and Kurt swears that he looks like he's about to cry.

"I – I have a boyfriend," Kurt says slowly, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat. Honestly, he didn't  _feel_ like a very good boyfriend right now. "And that," he gestures towards the wall, "it was a . . . mistake."

Blaine closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I should have known that you'd have a boyfriend," he says a few moments later, his voice strained. "I mean, look at you.  _Of course_ you would get a boyfriend. You're amazing."

Kurt blushes again, but he's shocked that Blaine isn't yelling at him. "I'm sorry," he says again. "I just – I couldn't stop you."

Blaine nods slowly, still not opening his eyes. "I've lost my chance."

Kurt feels terrible. He knows it isn't his fault that Blaine rejected him all those years ago, but it's his fault now that he's feeling this way.

But he feels even  _more_ terrible about the fact that he can't just be with Blaine. He should feel bad because of what he did to Declan. But now, he feels bad because he has to reject Blaine.

"Do you love him?" Blaine says suddenly, opening his eyes and staring into Kurt's with such intensity that Kurt almost turns away. Almost.

Kurt thinks for a moment. He hasn't told Declan that he loves him yet, and that's mainly because he doesn't even know. "Not yet," Kurt tells Blaine, and it's the first time he's ever given anyone, even himself, a straight answer on the subject. "But I think I could."

Blaine nods and Kurt sees his Adam's apple bob again. "Does he treat you right?" Blaine asks, his voice filled with concern.

"Yes," Kurt whispers. "He's wonderful to me."

Blaine sighs and runs his hand through his hair, closing his eyes for a moment. "Then that's all I ask," he says quietly. "I just want you to be happy."

Kurt feels his breath catch in his throat. Blaine was okay with this whole thing. He wasn't angry or fuming. He was calm about it.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispers. "I'm sorry."

Blaine reaches out and envelops Kurt in his arms again. "I'm sorry too," he says into Kurt's hair. "I shouldn't have pushed myself on you like that."

Kurt feels a sob building in his throat and he abruptly pulls away before he starts sobbing into Blaine's shoulder for the second time that day. "Blaine," he starts, but Blaine lets out a stiff chuckle and shakes his head.

"Don't even apologize again," he says. "We're done with that."

Kurt nods and turns to head back into his room.

"Kurt?"

Kurt whirls around just before opening his door.

"Can we still be friends?"

Kurt thinks for a moment. He  _wants_ to still be friends with Blaine, but he's not sure if he can. "We'll see," he says, because he knows that about as truthful of an answer as he'll be able to get out. "We'll see."

He gives Blaine a weak smile before opening the door and closing it behind him, pressing up against it and sliding to the ground. He buries his face in his hands and takes a deep breath, willing himself to keep control of his emotions. He doesn't know why he feels like – like Blaine just dumped him. He's aware that it  _shouldn't_ feel like that.

And then there's Declan. He's going to have to tell Declan about this, but he doesn't know how his boyfriend will take it. Nothing like this has happened to them before, and Kurt's  _scared._ He doesn't want to lose Declan.

But he doesn't want to lose Blaine either.

"Kurt?"

Kurt looks up to see Todd shifting in his bed, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah," he says, his voice cracking. "Sorry I'm late."

Todd sits upright at the sound of Kurt's voice, slowly getting out of his bed. "What's wrong?" He asks worriedly.

Kurt sighs, because he is still kind of irritated at Todd about what happened the previous night. It's almost hard for Kurt to think that that had all gone down a little more than twenty four hours ago.

"Kurt?" Todd asks again when Kurt doesn't respond. "What's wrong?"

And then Kurt breaks down, telling Todd everything – everything that happened with Blaine, everything they said, everything he was thinking. And Todd plops himself on the floor next to Kurt, wraps an arm around his shoulder and listens.

Kurt knew there was a reason he was best friends with Todd.

"A-and I just don't know what to do now," Kurt sniffles. "Because I don't think it should feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest."

Todd sighs. "I don't know what to tell you," he replies after a few moments. "You obviously have feelings for both of them."

"But I  _can't_ do that to Declan," Kurt whimpers. "He means a lot to me."

"Kurt," Todd starts, using his voice that he only uses when he's about to give Kurt a lesson of some sort. "You told me over the phone a few days ago that you couldn't sleep with Declan because you weren't sure about him. And you've mentioned not being able to tell him you love him several times too."

Kurt nods and wipes his eyes, not liking where this is going.

"Now, I know I'm not the best when it comes to relationships," Todd says with a chuckle, "Last night is proof of that enough. But I do know that I could physically  _sense_ something between you and Blaine."

Kurt doesn't respond. He's reminded of the electricity he felt when he kissed Blaine, the electricity that was never there with Declan.

"But I think that you have something with Declan too," he goes on. "It may not be as strong, but there is a connection between you two."

Kurt sighs and buries his face in his hands again. "What are you trying to say?"

Todd thumps his back with his hand a few times. "I'm saying that you should see how things play out," he says. "Don't push anything. Let the pieces fall where they may."

"I like being in control," Kurt mumbles into his hands.

"I know, man," Todd says with a laugh. "But I don't think you can control these kinds of things."

.....  
  
Kurt texts Declan first thing in the morning, telling him that he has to tell him something. Declan responds immediately, saying that he can come right over.

Kurt does so, and the moment Declan opens the door he's apologizing. He's saying that he's a horrible boyfriend, that he doesn't deserve him, that he doesn't deserve  _anybody._

And then Declan surprises him by guessing correctly why Kurt was freaking out.

"You kissed Blaine?"

Kurt freezes, staring at his boyfriend with wide eyes. "How did you know?"

Declan shrugs and sits down on the couch, pulling Kurt down next to him. "I figured it would happen," he says. "I mean, you guys obviously had some unresolved feelings for each other."

"And you're not mad?" How did Kurt end up with the two most understanding men in the world? Why couldn't one of them just be mad at him and cut him out of their life?

"No," Declan responds simply. "I mean, yeah I don't exactly  _like_ the fact that you kissed another guy, but you told me, and that's what matters."

Kurt sighs and buries his head into Declan's side. "I don't deserve you," he murmurs.

He feels Declan press his lips against his hair. "I love you," Declan mutters. "It will take a lot more than this for me to stop loving you."

Kurt looks up at Declan, his green eyes sincere and shining.

"I love you too."

Declan's eyes light up even more and he leans in and kisses Kurt, soft and slow and tender.

Kurt pulls away before things can get too heated. "But I'm still not ready," he tells his boyfriend.

"And that's okay," Declan immediately responds.

Kurt stays for fifteen more minutes before he has to go get ready for class.

As he walks back to his room, he can't help but feel guilty about what just happened in Declan's room. He had said he loved Declan. And while it was probably true, he knew it wasn't completely sincere either.

He just felt like something was missing. Like something just wasn't right.

                                                                                                                      


	4. Part 4

March 2014

Kurt hasn't heard from Blaine since the day he walked away from his apartment. He can't even  _count_ the number of times he's had his finger over Blaine's number in his phone before sighing and slipping it back into his pocket.

He's afraid of what will happen if he sees Blaine.

So that's why when he sees Blaine's name light up on his phone, he jumps off the couch in his room and rushes into the bathroom.

"Hello?" He says into the receiver, hoping he doesn't sound breathless.

"Kurt?" He hears Blaine's voice say, and he has to tell his heart to stop beating like crazy. "It's Blaine."

"I know."

"Right," Blaine says before coughing awkwardly. "Well, we – uh – haven't talked since – yeah, and I kind of want to still be your friend, but –"

"Blaine," Kurt stops him. "Want to go get coffee?"

Blaine sighs in relief. "Yeah. I thought maybe you didn't want to see me after – you know."

Kurt instantly feels guilty. "I've been busy," he lies.

"It's cool," Blaine replies smoothly. "So coffee in fifteen?"

"Sounds great."

.....  
  
This time the talking is a little more strained. There's a little more tension around the two, but that's to be expected.

They talk about how Blaine transferred to New York a few months ago so that he could study more job specifically, how he even auditioned for a few off Broadway musicals, and they even laugh a little about the whole Todd incident.

"How is he?" Blaine says in between laughs. "I feel kind of bad about the whole thing."

"He barely remembers anything," Kurt laughs. "He must have really been hammered."

"That's good, I guess," Blaine says. "But does he always do that? Get random people at the bar drunk?"

"Yup," Kurt nods, taking a sip of his coffee. "He's even gotten me drunk a few times."

"You?" Blaine's eyes widen and he scoffs. "No way!"

"Believe it," Kurt replies. "It's usually when I'm really stressed out."

"Kurt Hummel, the stress drinker," Blaine chuckles. "Never thought I'd hear those two phrases in the same sentence."

"Well sometimes things change," Kurt replies, instantly regretting it as soon as the tension settles back between them.

"Yeah," Blaine murmurs, "I guess they do."

May 2014

Kurt and Blaine's friendship has blossomed since their coffee outing in March. They now meet up at least three times every week, either getting coffee or going shopping or seeing plays.

And Kurt doesn't see anything wrong with it until the third week of May.

"So how long have you two been dating?"

Both Kurt and Blaine's heads snap up towards the barista, who's smiling widely at them.

"Oh," they both exclaim at the same time. "We're not dating."

They'd gotten this all the time back at the Lima Bean, but this time was different.

Because they both weren't single this time around.

"I'm so sorry," the barista apologizes and blushes. "I should stop assuming things like that. That's the third time this week I've done something like that." She scuttles off to get their drinks, handing them over a few minutes later and apologizing yet again.

The two boys don't speak again until their seated.

"When's Declan going to be here?" Blaine asks a few moments later. It's his first time meeting Kurt's boyfriend, and Kurt's a little nervous about the whole thing.

"He should be here in about five minutes," Kurt replies, trying not to meet Blaine's eyes. He doesn't know why he even agreed to Declan's request of wanting to meet Blaine. It was just going to create extreme awkwardness for Kurt.

Blaine nods and takes a sip of his drink before setting it down and looking Kurt in the eyes. "How are things between you two?"

Kurt sets his drink down, afraid that he'll end up spilling it. "What do you mean?"

"Well, he obviously wasn't mad about the – you know," Blaine says. They don't ever bring up the kiss, and when they do they never refer to it as what it actually was.

"He said he expected it to happen," Kurt explains slowly. "He knew about our . . .history. He said it was only a matter of time."

"And he wasn't mad?" Blaine raises his eyebrows. "At all?"

"Nope."

Blaine scoffs and picks his drink up. "He must be a saint."

"He is," Kurt replies, smiling softly. And what he says next really shocks him. "I told him that I loved him the next day."

Blaine's eyes meet Kurt's again and he swallows the liquid in his mouth, slowly setting his drink down. "You did?" He asks calmly. "You said the night before that you weren't sure."

Kurt just shrugs and looks down at the table.

"Did you mean it?" Blaine's voice sounds concerned, and Kurt knows that he's genuinely worried about Kurt and his relationship with Declan.

Kurt doesn't instantly respond. "I don't know," he whispers. "I don't even know why I said it."

Blaine sighs and reaches his hand out, grasping Kurt's. Kurt tries not to gasp at the small shock that courses through him at Blaine's touch.

"It's okay," Blaine murmurs, his hazel eyes boring into Kurt's. "Everything will work out."

"I don't know why I just can't love him though," Kurt replies, irritated. "I want to love him. I really, really  _want_ to love him, Blaine. He's amazing, and adorable, and he really cares for me. But . . ." Kurt trails off, not knowing what else to say or how to finish.

"It just seems like something's off?"

Kurt nods and rests his head in his hands. "Is that bad?"

"No," Blaine reassures him instantly. "I've tried to be in a relationship a few times, and that's what's happened with all of them. Except I realized it within a few days."

"It's almost our one year anniversary," Kurt mutters into his hands. "Next week Thursday."

Blaine sighs again, and Kurt knows that he feels sorry for him.

Kurt opens his mouth to ask Blaine what he should do when the curly haired boy holds his hand up. "He's here," he whispers. "Don't say anything you don't want him to hear."

Kurt turns around to see his boyfriend walking into the coffee shop. He grins in a way that feels halfhearted and waves him over, pulling the seat next to him out.

"Hey you," Declan smiles as he leans down and presses a small kiss to Kurt's lips, which Kurt only briefly responds too.

Kurt found that, after his kiss with Blaine, every time Declan kissed him he would look for that electricity, sometimes even trying to force it. But it never happened.

"Hi," Kurt replies after Declan pulls away and takes his seat, not making eye contact with Blaine.

"And you must be Blaine," Declan turns to the curly haired boy and grins again, holding his hand out. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Likewise," Blaine smiles in return, and Kurt sometimes forgot how polite and dapper Blaine could be.

"Ah, a boy with manners," Declan grins as he links his hand with Kurt's under the table. "No wonder little Kurt fell for you."

Kurt tries not to choke on his coffee, quickly setting it down so it wouldn't spill all over his vest. He gives his boyfriend a quizzical look, which goes unnoticed.

"That's what happens when you attend an all-boys private school," Blaine replies smoothly.

"I can imagine."

An awkward silence falls on the table, and Kurt can feel both of the boys' gazes on him.

"Oh, Kurt!" Declan states suddenly, turning towards him with excitement shining in his green eyes. "I found this  _amazing_ apartment today, and –"

Kurt internally slaps himself. He'd completely forgotten that Declan had asked him to move in with him a few nights ago. He'd been a little tipsy when he had agreed. Declan couldn't take that as his real answer, could he?

But the truth of the matter was that Kurt didn't want to move in with Declan. He was happy living with Todd. Todd was great, Todd was fun.

But he also felt that if he were to move in with his boyfriend, it'd almost be a given for their intimacy level to increase.

"Can we talk about this later?" Kurt asked, pleading with his eyes for Declan to agree.

"Sure," Declan said immediately, worry showing on his face.

And that awkward silence falls upon the table again.

Kurt checks his watch, wishing that it would give him a reason to escape this dreadful silence.

But then Blaine starts chatting away, and the three fall into a conversation of sorts. Blaine always had been good at talking to people, and that obviously hadn't changed over the years.

"Well," Declan says eventually. "I'd better get back to work."

Kurt nods and stands up. "I'll walk you out," he tells him. He then turns to Blaine and adds, "I'll be right back, okay?"

Blaine nods and ushers with his hand for him to go.

Kurt grabs Declan's hand and the two walk out of the coffee shop and towards his car, where they stop and just look at each other for a moment.

"I'll see you later, alright?" Declan murmurs into Kurt's hair. "Do you want to do dinner?"

"That sounds great," Kurt responds, leaning up until their lips met.

Declan pulls away a moment later, running his hand across Kurt's face one more time. "Go back to your friend," Declan playfully shoves him away.

"Call me when you want me to come over," Kurt tells him as he starts walking back into the coffee shop.

"I will."

.....  
  
"Mmmnnn."

"God,  _Kurt."_

Kurt gasps as Declan's mouth roams down his neck, his fingers playing with the buttons on his shirt.

Kurt feels himself rolling his hips into Declan, something he isn't even really aware of. He knows that he's pretty close to reaching the point of no return.

As soon as Declan's fingers hit the last button, Kurt knows that the point has been reached.

"Are you sure?" Declan pulls far enough away so that he can look Kurt in the eyes.

And Kurt doesn't even have a brain anymore. Between the two of them, they drank a bottle and a half of wine. His brain is affected by alcohol and hormones, and he honestly can't  _think_ at the moment.

"God, Declan,  _take me."_

Declan grins and scoops Kurt up, carrying him into the bedroom as Kurt's lips attack his boyfriend's clavicle.  
.....

Kurt wakes up the next morning with a feeling of dread surrounding him. At first he doesn't know why.

But then as he turns, feeling something similar to an arm wrapped around him, he remembers.

Well, he doesn't  _remember_ remember, but he knows what happened.

He feels the tears stinging in his eyes. He quickly crawls out of Declan's bed, puts his clothes on, scratches a note out and sets it where he had been laying moments before, and slips out of the room.

He sprints back to his own room, flinging the door open and then slamming it shut, running into the bathroom and slamming that door as well.

"What the hell, Kurt?" He hears Todd mumble into his pillow. "Where were you all night?"

Kurt doesn't respond. He collapses onto the floor and collects his legs in his arms, burying his face in his knees.

"Kurt!" Todd pounds on the door. "You better open this fucking door right now! I can hear you sobbing!"

Kurt doesn't move. He can't.

"Kurt!"

"You want to know what's wrong?" Kurt sobs, just loud enough for Todd to hear. "I'm not a virgin anymore, okay? I lost it last night, and I don't even remember it. I wasn't ready! But the alcohol apparently makes me horny too."

Todd stops his knocking, and Kurt doesn't know if he's left or if he just doesn't know what to say.

But the door opens a few minutes later, revealing Todd holding a bent up paperclip.

"Oh, Kurt," he says before sitting on the floor next to him. He wraps his arms around Kurt's shoulders and pulls the boy into him. "It'll be okay," he murmurs. "It'll be fine."

"No it won't," Kurt whispers, his voice strained. "I wasn't ready, Todd. I didn't want to yet. And I –" Kurt blushes, feeling ashamed at what he was about to say.

"What? What else?"

"I didn't want Declan to be my first," Kurt says, so quietly even he can barely hear himself. "I think I was going to break up with him in a few days."

Todd sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what to say," he admits.

Kurt doesn't say anything either, the two just sitting there in silence.

"I feel so dirty," Kurt mutters a few minutes later. "Like – impure."

Todd normally would have made some kind of comment about that, but Kurt knew that he was aware that now was most definitely not the time. "Take a shower," Todd says, standing up off the ground and helping Kurt up. "And then . . . maybe you should call Blaine."

Kurt freezes. He doesn't turn back towards Todd, feeling like he's unable to move.

"You should tell him, Kurt," Todd goes on. "He's your friend. He knows you better than anyone."

Kurt still doesn't move, doesn't respond. He hears Todd walk out of the bathroom and shut the door.

It takes Kurt another few moments until he's able to move again. He starts the water, waits until it's blazing hot, and then steps in.

He didn't freeze up like that because he hadn't thought about telling Blaine.

No, he froze up because Blaine was the  _reason_ he felt like this right now.

.....  
Kurt goes to Declan before he calls Blaine.

"Hey," Declan grins, but it's instantly wiped off his face when he sees Kurt's expression. "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk," Kurt murmurs.

He leads Declan to the table, sitting down across from him.

"If it's about last night –" Declan starts.

Kurt cuts him off. "It is about last night," Kurt says. "It was a mistake."

Declan's eyes widen slightly, but he doesn't say anything.

"I was drunk," Kurt tells him, hoping that he can keep control of his emotions for this whole conversation. "And I wasn't actually ready. I couldn't think straight."

Kurt takes a deep breath and looks at Declan, who seems to know what's coming next.

"That was my first time," Kurt whispers. "And I don't even remember it."

Declan groans and rubs his face with his hand. "I'm sorry," he mutters.

"Me too," Kurt says stiffly. "I don't think we can fix this."

"What do you mean?" Declan lifts his head back up, eyes wide as he looks at Kurt.

"I – When I said I loved you, I wasn't lying," Kurt starts. "But . . . I think that was more me  _wanting_ to love you."

"I should have known this would happen," Declan whispers. "You're too good for me."

"No," Kurt stands up now, walking over to the other side of the table. "If anyone's too good, it's you."

Declan sighs and looks up at Kurt. "It's Blaine, isn't it?"

Kurt's taken aback by that comment. "I – I don't know," he admits.

"Well, I hope he knows what a catch you are," he tells Kurt, grabbing his hands and pressing soft kisses to each one. "I love you."

Kurt leans down and presses a soft Kiss to Declan's forehead. "I know," he whispers. "I love you too. But not nearly as much as I should."

Kurt gives his hands one last squeeze before walking out of the room. He walks slowly back to his bedroom, his emotions feeling everything and nothing at the same time.

As he enters his room, he sees Todd look up at him with worry in his eyes. "Do I need to call Blaine and get a Ben and Jerry's truck over here?"

Kurt gives his roommate a weak smile before collapsing onto his bed. "Yeah," he says. "That might be a good idea." He pauses for a moment. "And can you fill Blaine in on everything too?"

Todd nods and fishes his phone out of his pocket. "If that's what you want."

July 2014

It feels like Kurt just returned home for summer vacation. And now he's already packing up. He got an internship in New York that started in the beginning of August, so he was heading back earlier than he had in the past.

"Knock Knock."

Kurt turns and sees Blaine walking into his room. "What're you doing here?" He asks, because Blaine was supposed to be in Westerville with his own parents until the beginning of August.

"I came to help you pack," Blaine explains. "Todd called and said that when he left you were freaking out about it."

Kurt laughs at the friendship his two friends had formed. They'd gone from drunken lovers to close friends in less than six months. "I guess a little help wouldn't hurt," Kurt replies.

They work in silence for the first fifteen minutes.

"You've been different," Blaine says suddenly.

Kurt scoffs softly, continuing to fold his clothes and neatly put them into his suitcases. "You would too if you broke up with your boyfriend of almost a year the day after you lost your virginity to him and couldn't remember any of it."

Blaine sighs and sets whatever he's doing down, crossing the room and taking the shirt out of Kurt's hands. "What's really got you down about this?"

"I wanted my first time to be special," Kurt whispers. "My first kiss was taken from me, so I hoped that my first time with someone would make up for that."

"Oh Kurt," Blaine coos, wrapping his arms around the slim boy and pulling him close. "You'll find someone who will make you forget about all of those experiences in your past. It'll only be you and them. None of this will even matter."

Kurt nods and sniffles, turning his attention back to his packing.

However, as he puts another shirt into his bag, he sneaks a glance at Blaine, who's preoccupied playing with one of Kurt's many music boxes.

And he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he's already found that someone Blaine was referring to.

October 2014

"Kurt!" Todd bounds into their room, holding a piece of paper in his hand. "I got in!"

Kurt jumps up and squeals, wrapping his arms around his friend. "You got the internship!" He all but screams. "In  _France!"_

"I KNOW!" Todd yells, jumping up and down. "Oh my god, oh my god!"  
.....

Todd leaves the next week. Kurt hands him his last bag before wrapping his arms around his friend, trying not to cry. "I'm gonna miss you," he mumbles into Todd's shoulder.

Todd chuckles and hugs him back. "Hey, I'll be back in the spring," he says. "And then our blossoming friendship can continue to sprout."

Kurt snorts and wipes a tear away from his eye. "I'm so happy for you," he says. "You're going to have so much fun. You're going to do  _amazing."_

"It won't be so bad for you either," Todd grins at him, jabbing him in the side with his elbow. "After all, Blaine is moving in with you. You know, Blaine.  _Baa-laineee._ You know, Blaine with the gorgeous eyes, the same one your madly in love with?"

Kurt knew that he would regret telling Todd about his recurring feelings for Blaine. "I hate you," he says as he feels his face turn bright red.

"No you don't," Todd grins, ruffling Kurt's hair. "You love me."

"Well, maybe," Kurt smiles back. "But only if you bring me something expensive back from Paris."

"You got it."


	5. Part 5

December 2014

Living with Blaine is everything Kurt expected it to be.

Except for the fact that he hadn't really thought about what he would do if he happened to see Blaine shirtless.

The first time it happened he'd been tempted to jump the boy right then and there.

But that was  _nothing_ compared to walking in on him in the bathroom. When he was completely naked.

"Oh," Kurt instantly closes his eyes, trying to find his way out of the bathroom. "Sorry. So sorry. So so so sorry."

He hears Blaine chuckle as he fumbles out of the bathroom.

.....  
"Are we there yet?" Blaine asks, bouncing in the passenger seat.

"Almost," Kurt replies. "About forty minutes."

" _Almost?"_ Blaine squawks. "That does not qualify as 'almost.'"

Kurt was bringing Blaine home for Christmas. His own parents were out of town for the holidays, so Kurt had gladly invited him along.

"Now I'll warn you," Kurt says once they're a little closer. "Dad gets pretty awkward around the guys I bring home. He interrogated Declan for a good four hours. And he interrogated Todd for a good two days."

Blaine laughs. "But Todd was your roommate."

"Yeah, he was my  _gay_ roommate," Kurt explains. "Apparently that's even more reason for an interrogation."

"Well what kind of talk am I going to get?"

Kurt thinks about that. His dad probably knows about how he feels about Blaine, since he told Carole over the phone a few weeks ago. So Blaine would probably get the roommate and the boyfriend talk. Even though he was only one of the two.

But he doesn't tell Blaine that. He just says that he isn't sure what his dad has in store for him.  
.....

Christmas flies by, and before they know it its New Year's Eve. Kurt's rushing around the kitchen, trying to get all the appetizers out before the guests arrive. He had invited all of the New Directions and the Warblers, since Blaine was second in command for the party.

Once the first guest arrives, Blaine has to physically pry Kurt away from the oven, telling him to just enjoy himself.

Which is why he now finds himself sitting on the back porch alone, just thinking, staring up at the stars.

This time last year, he'd been getting ready to go see Declan in two days. He'd been texting him, telling him how much he missed him.

A few weeks from the day, Kurt would run into Blaine in his own dorm room again. And everything would change.

He is so deep in thought that he doesn't even hear the door open behind him, doesn't even register as the person sits down next to him.

"The ball's going to drop in three minutes," he hears Blaine whisper. It's so quiet, so tranquil outside that neither of them what to disturb the peace. They know that it will be interrupted in a few minutes because of fireworks, but for now neither of them care.

"So much has changed from this time last year," Kurt speaks out loud, still staring out into the night.

"It has," Blaine agrees as he scoots closer to Kurt. Whether it on purpose or subconsciously, Kurt doesn't know.

"It's so weird," Kurt goes on.

"I'm glad it's changed," Blaine replies, his response taking Kurt off guard. Kurt turns to Blaine now, noticing that his hazel eyes are glowing in the darkness.

"Me too," Kurt whispers.

Blaine takes a deep breath, never taking his eyes off of Kurt's. "I know a lot's happened to you in the past year," he says softly. "But my feelings haven't changed."

Kurt takes a sharp intake of breath, because he also realizes that it's almost been a year since Blaine kissed him and apologized for everything that happened in their teenage days. "I don't think mine have changed since I met you," Kurt whispers, knowing that his eyes were bright blue and boring into Blaine's. "Not even when I was with Declan."

He pauses and thinks back to the time a year ago when he was at Declan's house. "Sometimes, when I was with Declan, I would see a flash of hazel," Kurt says, "And I'd either leave or come up with another excuse to stop whatever we were doing."

Blaine's eyes soften and he slides even closer to Kurt, until their sides are almost touching.

"You were always on my mind, Blaine," Kurt says, "Whether I knew it or not."

Blaine doesn't respond, instead taking Kurt's hands in his and leaning in closer. "I'm going to kiss you now," Blaine murmurs, using the same phrase he used almost a year ago.

"Okay," Kurt responds immediately, and there is no sense of hesitation in his mind this time. He meets Blaine halfway, their lips pressing together softly.

And the fireworks go off. Literally. Everyone within the house screams and whistles. It's officially the New Year.

Kurt pulls away, touching his lips briefly. It's that electricity again, the one he's been searching for since the last time they kissed. "Happy New Year Blaine," Kurt whispers, his eyes never leaving Blaine's.

"Happy New Year, Kurt," Blaine responds, his breath blowing across Kurt's face.

Kurt grins and wraps his arms around Blaine's neck, pulling him back in.

He's waited since his junior year of high school for this. He was going to make up for wasted time.

Their lips meet again and the chaos continues on around them, but neither boy cares, each too busy relishing in the shock that each small touch of the lips sends through their bodies.

May 2015

It's been one year since Kurt lost his virginity.

One year since Kurt broke up with his first boyfriend.

Two years since he'd met his first boyfriend.

And Kurt couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy.

It's been five months since he got together with his second boyfriend, who also happened to be his first love.

Kurt turns to smile at Blaine, their hands intertwined in the console of Kurt's car. "I can't believe Todd's coming home today!" Kurt squeals. "And I can't believe you wouldn't let me tell him about us!"

Blaine chuckles, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of Kurt's hand. "He'll pee himself with excitement," Blaine tells him. "It'll totally be worth it."

Kurt nods in understanding as they pull into the airport parking lot.

"Although I hope he doesn't want his spot in the apartment back," Blaine adds a moment later. "Because I'm not sure if I'm willing to leave now."

Kurt smiles at his boyfriend as they walk into the airport, grabbing his hand and dragging him in just a little faster. He honestly couldn't wait to see his best friend.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Kurt replies. "And if not, he can sleep in the spare bed. You know, since no one uses it." He winks at Blaine, watching as the shorter boy blushes.

"Kurt!"

Kurt whirls around to see his friend running over to him. His hair is styled in a very French style, and he's even wearing a beret. "Todd!" Kurt cries, releasing Blaine's hand and running into his friends arms. He pulls away a moment later, smiling. "What did you bring me?" He asks excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Todd grins. "It's always about the material good with you, isn't it?"

"You know it," Kurt replies, laughing, knowing that excitement was just radiating off of him.

Todd continues to grin as he searches around in his carryon bag before pulling something. "I got you a beret too," he says as he hands it to Kurt. "I thought it would look adorable on you. And we could be twins."

Kurt smiles and puts it on. He turns back to Blaine and waves him over.

"Blaine!" Todd calls once he sees him approaching. "I didn't know you were coming!"

Blaine just grins at him and links his hand with Kurt's, pressing a small kiss to the boy's temple.

"No. Fucking. Way." Todd's eyes go wide. "I knew it! I knew you two would get together!"

Kurt grins at both him and Blaine. It's strange how, because the two of them had drunkenly fooled around, it had ultimately brought Kurt and Blaine back together.

"But I'm a little disappointed," Todd adds, his eyes playful, "I was planning on coming back and telling Kurt about my undying love for him."

Blaine grins and tightens his hold on Kurt's hand while he jabs Todd with his elbow. "Well sorry," he says, not sounding sorry at all, "But that's already been done."

Todd grins and wraps an arm around each of them, guiding them out of the airport.

"Kurt, you're not going to  _believe_ how many things I brought back for you," Todd goes on. "Oh!" he says suddenly before fishing out his wallet from his bag.

He opens it and hands it over to Kurt, who's eyes go wide. "Seriously?" Kurt asks, looking at Todd. "That's him?"

"Yup, that's Pierre, the love of my life," Todd grins. "And he's French."

"Obviously," Blaine snorts. "Because his name is Pierre."

Blaine grins and grabs Kurt's hand and Todd by the elbow, guiding the two out of the airport before they get to talking. Because if that happened, then they would  _never_ leave.

"But seriously," Todd says once he's situated in the back of their car. "When did that happen?" He gestures to their conjoined hands.

"New Year's Eve," Blaine responds.

"And you didn't  _tell me?"_

"That was Blaine's doing," Kurt laughed. "I wanted to, but he said it'd be better to surprise you."

Todd laughs and props his feet up on the back of Kurt's seat.

Kurt smiles at Blaine, who catches his eye and winks back.

"Blaine!" Todd says suddenly. "Did you use my 'You move me, Kurt' speech that I gave to you?"

"Damn it!" Blaine says as he slams his hand against the steering wheel. "I knew I was forgetting something!"

Kurt laughs again, squeezing Blaine's hand. "You can give it to me some other time," he reassures him.

Blaine smiles sweetly at him.

"Oh, it really is quite cute, Kurt," Todd goes on. "It's starts out all 'There's a moment when you say to yourself, 'Oh, there you are, I've been looking for you forever,'" Kurt snorts as Todd continues on chattering.

"I love you," he whispers into Blaine's ear.

"I love you too," Blaine replies.

Kurt was always the first to say it with Blaine. He never doubted that he loved Blaine. Not for a minute.

"And then Blaine would be like, 'You move me, Kurt. Let's have sex now,'" Todd continues talking about the speech he made Blaine.

"I would not have ended it like that!" Blaine scoffs. "I deny that accusation."

"Right Blaine," Kurt grins, squeezing the other boy's hand. "Keep telling yourself that." He leans over and presses a kiss to Blaine's cheek, ignoring the cooing coming from their friend in the backseat.

His life hadn't turned out how he thought it would, but, in this moment, he couldn't be happier.


End file.
